What My Sewing Journey Taught Me About Fear and Growth

“Hills peep o’er hills, and Alps on Alps arise” – Alexander Pope

 

Today, I want to bring you on a journey through time from the spark of a dream in my heart to the moment of realization about 30 years down the road. Now you might think that this is a long time to realizing a dream, but in the scope of our Soul, it is but a blink of an eye in the eternal timeline.

 

Sewing has long been a side passion of mine since my early twenties. But the deeper truth is that I dreamed of sewing as a young girl. I just never quite mustered up the courage to put needle and thread to fabric.

 

I was gifted for Christmas my first sewing machine at the age of ten. I was so excited! I loved historical dresses and always dreamed of designing and sewing my own beautiful creations. After making a few skirts for my troll dolls (remember those?), my machine sat tucked away in my closet, untouched for many years.

 

It wasn’t until my twenties that I began sewing again. I didn’t start with the historical costumes because that felt too daunting. Instead, I made a cute, summery dress pictured here. The dress pattern was a vintage dress from the 1980’s featuring a young Brooke Shields. The final creation was simple and it wasn’t perfect, but it was a start. It took me nine more years to work up the courage to finally start making historical costumes!

Learning Through the Process

 

Once I began, I kept at it. Little by little, I learned various sewing techniques and improved my skills. I made many mistakes along the way, taking apart and resewing my creations more times than I can count, yet each one became an opportunity to learn and to build belief in myself that I could take this dream further.

The dreams in our heart can only be reached by taking the steps to realize them. I always like the analogy of climbing a mountain or a large hill. We stand at the base at the start of this journey, setting our sights on the top which is our goal realized. It is but a speck in the distance, but as we step ever closer, the destination becomes clearer, and the journey easier as we build our strength, knowledge, and resilience along the way.

This photo here is my most recent creation. It is from the era of fashion that I first dreamed of making when I was a little girl. Finishing it felt like finally reaching the top of my own great mountain.

But reaching the top is never truly the end of the finish line. From that vantage point, we see yet another hill to climb, another mountain to scale. The reaching of the top is but one small moment. Enveloped within this is the journey along the way, and the journey to accomplishing our goals is actually a partnership we enter. For as we journey to the summit, we discover what we are truly capable of, and this journey also reveals to us the hidden fears that hold us back. Like unloading unnecessary baggage from our travel pack along the way.

 

Trust the Journey

 

My own sewing journey has been one of my greatest teachers in tapping into creativity and allowing space for the universe to send me solutions. When I go to make a gown, I pick the era or style of the gown, I pick the base pattern, and I then pick the fabric. That is all. Everything else is designed by feeling into what wants to be expressed within the gown through me. The buttons, bows, special folds of fabric, and other adornments, all are added along the way as the dress shares with me what it wants to become.

It is not unusual for me to run into a “sewing dilemma” where I am not sure exactly on best construction to achieve the vision that sits in my mind. Such was the case with this particular gown you see here. This is a 1910’s evening gown I created for a dinner at The Angus Barn in Raleigh, North Carolina where they do a recreation of the last meal on the titanic. My husband and I took pictures in downtown Durham, North Carolina before attending the dinner, and everyone thought we had just gotten married and were honking their car horns yelling “CONGRATULATIONS!”. We went along with it and gladly accepted their well wishes!

 

I wanted the gown to look like an effortless flowing waterfall, but have a structured support underneath to properly hold it in place. I had never made a gown like this before, and there really was no commercial patterns available for this type of dress.

 

I did not go on an endless search for the answer. I waited and invited the answer to come to me. After a couple of days, the construction technique appeared in my mind. I created it using a lace front corset with rigid boning underneath. I was then able to sew the fabric onto this rigid structure as a point of stable support. This allowed it to drape in a way that was soft and flowing, yet remained in place as I walked.

 

If we ask, the universe will respond. Perhaps not always in the timeframe we want, but the answer will always arrive in the exact moment when it is needed.

 

So now that I have surmounted this particular hill with the completion of my dream gown, what comes next? Life has a way of showing us that each hill we climb opens us to an even wider horizon. Growth does not end when we finally realize our dream. In many ways, that is where it begins. When we tell ourselves we are finished or complete, we close ourselves off to what else might be waiting to come through us. Our soul is infinite, and so too is our learning. When we state we are finished or complete, we shut out the possibility of connecting with and expressing more light.

 

Choosing Differently

 

One pattern I fall back on is to close myself off from the outside world, work quietly on my own, and then not bring it out into the world or community. I know that this is a way I keep myself safe, and I see it reflected in various areas of my life.

 

When it comes to sewing, I have had a few opportunities over the years to sew for others. I don’t want to sew for a living, but not everything in life is about work. We grow and heal through many avenues, through relationships, experiences, creativity.

 

Still, when opportunities arose for me to sew for others, I always declined. I told myself I didn’t have the time. I didn’t want the responsibility. That it wasn’t something I truly wanted to do.

 

What I didn’t realize until recently was that life was providing this opportunity for me to surmount my fear and release this inner narrative that I was clinging to: the belief that I’m not good enough. Fear is funny. It can really take hold in our mind and trick us into the most absurd (to an outsider looking in) beliefs. But to us, they seem so true and valid!

 

An opportunity to sew for someone else once again crossed my path. Someone needed a pair of pants hemmed. A very simple task compared to the very complex sewing I am used to. Per my usual, I was ready to push this out of the way and go about my life without it. But this time, my inner voice spoke up, and I heard it loud and clear.

 

‘Do you really expect things to change if you keep making the same decisions?’

 

This made me pause. I then became aware of the thoughts running through my head ‘I can’t do that, I’m not good enough, I’ll mess it up’. I could feel the tightness gripping my chest as the fear kicked in. My breathing had become shallow. This same feeling that I had felt so many times before in my life, and still do in my life when scary things cross my path.

 

This day, I chose differently. I said yes, I hemmed the pants, and they turned out perfect!

 

Small shifts can create ripples that flow into other areas of our life. By saying yes and taking action to move forward with the fear I was feeling, I also said yes to stepping out of agreement with this old energetic pattern.

 

My awareness opened up to seeing other places in my life, especially in my work, where I had been holding myself back. The ways I kept myself small and stayed in my comfort zone. The ways I told myself I wasn’t ready or good enough.

 

So often, the places where we feel resistance are simply invitations. Invitations to look a little deeper. To meet the parts of ourselves that are still asking for our attention, our compassion, and our courage.

 

We always have a choice: do we have the courage to change, or do we stay with what feels safe and comfortable?

 

So now the climb up the next hill begins for me.

 

What began as a simple sewing project became a doorway into greater awareness, and a reminder that growth often comes in one small decision, one small step, one small change. By walking with fear instead of hiding or fighting against it, and having the courage to say yes.

 

So I invite you to reflect: Where in your life might an old belief be holding you back? What small choice can you make today to help shift the energy in a new direction?

 

In my experience, the road to accomplishing my dreams has been about taking small steps without getting too lost in the fine details. We learn along the way what works for us and what doesn’t, and this is as varied as there are people in the world.

 

For many years, I allowed fear to keep me in a state of inaction. I certainly don’t have everything figured out, and I have much more to heal and learn and experience. But having now climbed a number of hills, I can tell you that things do begin to shift and the rewards are plentiful. As challenging as it is at times, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

 

But don’t take my word for it. Begin your own climb and see how it unfolds for you.

 

And know that you’re not alone. We are all in this together, climbing our own hills and figuring out our way forward.

 

Wishing you well on your journey,

 

Ways To Stay Connected

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