My Cup Runneth Over…But Not in a Good Way

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Over-giving can leave us exhausted and disconnected. In this personal story, I share a moment that stands out among many over the years when I struggled with giving too much of myself. Over time, I’ve learned that true connection and self-love begin with filling my own cup.

 

It was the beginning of my third year of nursing school. I had a core group of friends that I spent time with. They were social, outgoing, and liked to party. Honestly, they were everything I was not. I hated large gatherings, I didn’t enjoy drinking, and I didn’t like late nights. I always felt out of place around them, like I was trying to fit myself into a mold that wasn’t quite meant for me. It was always me reaching out to make plans, and that effort was rarely reciprocated. I imagine that if I had left that circle altogether, my phone might never have rung, and one day they would think to themselves, “I wonder what happened to that Cassie girl?”

 

But the fear of searching for new friends felt even scarier than the pain of spending time with people I didn’t fully connect with. Looking back, I recognize how deeply my sense of self-worth was eroded, and how I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I felt terribly lonely almost all the time. The thought “why does no one like me” dominated my inner world.

Me in my college years, before I understood what it meant to fill my own cup.

Physically, this took a toll on my body as well. I never linked the two back then, but now I understand the mind-body-spirit connection more clearly. The constant fatigue, the sensation of heaviness that felt like lead weights, the brain fog and forgetfulness were manifestations of everything I was holding onto. The pain, the trauma, the unprocessed energy, all living in my body with no awareness of how to recognize it, or how to let it go. My body was trying to send me signals.

 

My outside world reflected my inner world: disconnected. When pain is so great, we often retreat and avoid. Focusing on our external environment can be a form of disconnect, a way to avoid what we don’t want to see or feel inside. We engage in a battle to fix the world around us, believing that this is the way to find peace and happiness.

 

Even though I often felt unseen and disconnected, I kept reaching out to the same friends, hoping that with each failed attempt at connection, the next one would be different. When September arrived and I was turning 21, I decided to host a sit-down dinner party at my friends’ apartment. I wanted to set the stage for a special evening, a fancy, intimate dinner where we could dress up and connect in a way that went beyond our usual superficial hangouts. I even had a dress of my own design, sewn by my mom, for the occasion. I told my friends not to worry about the food. I would cook it, plan the menu, and buy all the ingredients.

 

I was going to make it really easy for them to love me. All they had to do was show up and spend time with me. Surely this would be enough? I would be enough…

 

Very soon, both my carefully laid plan and my heart were crushed. They decided they wanted it to be a “two for one” sort of party. It was the start of the school year, and they wanted a big celebration to ring it in. “You don’t mind, right Cassie?”

 

Of course not. How could I say no? At that time, I wasn’t capable of saying no. Saying no felt like giving them permission not to love me. Saying no created distance, and I feared it would make people leave and stop talking to me. And who would I have if I didn’t have them in my life? I would have no one. As alone as I felt, I feared that refusing them would leave me feeling even more isolated.

 

The party was nothing like I had imagined. Dinner was rushed, more of a grab-and-go affair. Once they were done, they went off to get ready for the next gathering. There was no bonding, no well wishes, no real connection.

 

Despite all this, I kept giving of myself, hoping that one day they would see me, recognize me, and care for me in return. I cleaned their house when I visited, took on the role of designated driver on nights out, cooked meals, and helped them pack and move when they relocated.

Recognizing When You’ve Hit an Emotional or Physical Wall

Writing about this still brings up a lot of emotions. I see so clearly a young woman who was simply searching for love. But I was going about it all the wrong way. There was an inner wound that I did not, and probably could not at the time, see or recognize.

 

Looking back, I do not blame my friends for how things unfolded. They were not responsible for my choices or the hurt I experienced. I was the one trying to fill the emptiness inside myself, and I was the one who believed that giving more of myself would earn the love and connection I craved. I imagine that if they reflected on that same moment, they would see it very differently, through the lens of their own wounds, growth, and journey of healing.

 

Past wounds and trauma leave a mark on us. We lose a part of our true essence, the connection to our Spirit Within, as life’s struggles begin to accumulate and weigh on us. In Shamanic terminology, this is called Soul Loss, which I explore in more detail in another blog post HERE. Soul loss leaves a void within us that we are always trying to fill. Often, we attempt to fill this void through external means, and this is where we become caught up. These patterns are not only our own. When we look within families, we can see similar wounds and stories repeating across generations. This is where I was caught in the story I share today. The same dynamic I experienced with my parents was repeating itself in my friendships. I was trying to repair the past, and while doing so, giving more of myself than I could fill or replenish. I was pouring from my cup into theirs.

 

But eventually, this becomes too much. We crash and hit a wall. Sometimes this happens through physical challenges. We get sick, and our body forces us to rest and retreat from everything we have been doing. Other times, we hit an emotional wall. The pain becomes too great to carry, and we finally seek help.

 

Seeking help can feel difficult because society often teaches us that needing support means we are broken or that something is wrong with us. This could not be further from the truth. Healing is an act of courage. It is an act of love, both for ourselves and for others. Trauma can teach us that love is earned through doing or giving. But true love begins with love of self. From that place, we can give in a heart-centered way and finally receive the love we were seeking all along, independent of others’ behavior, actions, or emotions.

Filling Your Own Cup

My over-giving tendencies did not shift overnight. And if I’m honest, this wasn’t anywhere near the moment that I recognized this unhealthy pattern in my life. It wasn’t until years later in my late 30s that I began to seek out a better way to live my life. And I didn’t recognize that this was a large source of energy drain in my life.

 

As you read this, perhaps parts of my story feel familiar. Maybe you, too, have found yourself over-giving, moving through the same patterns again and again, like tire tracks worn deep into the road. Maybe you are beginning to notice the exhaustion that comes from burning the candle at both ends. This noticing is not a failure. It is the call of your Spirit Within, an invitation to pause, to become aware, and to consider a new direction.

 

For me, the first step was seeking therapy, a safe space to explore my past experiences and release what had been held inside. That step eventually led me to study Shamanism as a path of connection, and shamanic healing as a way to reclaim and reintegrate my true self. Your path may look different, and that is okay. Healing is unique to each individual.

 

Healing does not begin by giving more. It begins by turning inward and listening to what your body and heart have been trying to tell you all along. Learning to fill your own cup first is not selfish. It is an act of courage and self-respect. It is the moment you choose to step out of familiar grooves and begin carving a new path for yourself.

Carving a New Path

Healing is a process of examining your story and gently reweaving it, repatterning the old ways of being. Just like tire tracks shaping a new road, these patterns often begin with a single moment: the decision to choose something new. Over time, as the same route is traveled again and again, the new path becomes easier to traverse. Creating a new route takes intention and patience. At first, it may feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable. But with time, the new path strengthens, and the old one slowly fades, becoming overgrown as if it were never there at all.

 

So have courage and perseverance. In time, the new path will feel steady beneath your feet. It will become familiar and easy to walk. One day, you may find that you no longer have to think about each step at all.

 

You will move forward guided not by old wounds or patterns, but by your own heart. Seeing each step clearly, navigating your life from a place of self-love rather than fear.

 

Walking this path with you,

 

If this story resonated with you and you’d like to continue exploring themes of healing, self-connection, and filling your own cup, you’re welcome to join my newsletter, follow me on TikTok or YouTube.

 

If you feel called to deeper support, you can also learn more about my healing services here.

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In the Deepest Winter, the Light Always Returns

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Winter Solstice Reflections for December 2025.

In life, none of us are immune to change. In the age of social media, life often feels filtered, leaving us with the perception that life is easy for some, yet a struggle for ourselves. I like to think that even all the enlightened masters, both past and present, also had their struggles and felt things very deeply just as we do. If you are going through change in your own life, I want you to know that you are not alone. As you read my story, know that I am with you, and we are navigating the currents of change together.

It is December, and the winter solstice is slowly closing in. We are entering the depth of winter, the time when the darkness is at its fullest. I feel this deeply this year. As some of you may know from my previous writings, I stepped away from my job as an oncology nurse last month. It was bittersweet. I left behind colleagues who had become dear friends, yet I was excited about the future and the work I feel called to pursue.

Facing Fear and Life Changes

I feel it now as this past chapter of my life drifts farther into memory. The darkness outside mirrors the darkness within, and the shadow of fear that had been resting quietly is beginning to stir. I feel its familiar heaviness, like lead weights wrapped around my ankles that try to keep me in one place.

 

“Aaah, fear my old friend. How have you been?”

 

As the nights grow longer, the words of fear grow louder in my mind. Am I good enough? Am I skilled enough? Who am I to do this kind of work? When will the universe step in to support this leap of faith? And with these questions come the emotions: fear, sadness, doubt, and insecurity. Even after years of healing, self-inquiry, and spiritual seeking, I am still faced with the challenge of meeting my shadows without getting absorbed into them.

 

Then last week, life suddenly shifted again. My husband received notice that he is being laid off after thirteen years with his company. With the financial challenges this year has brought, the company is restructuring and cutting positions, and his is one of them. It means the loss of the steady income that has been supporting us through my job transition, as well as the loss of our health insurance.

 

My first reactions were anger, frustration, fear, sadness. How could they do this? Why are they prioritizing money over people? How are we going to get through this?

 

I am not sharing this for sympathy or reassurance. I share this because I know there are many others out there who are struggling through unexpected changes in their own lives. Others who wade in the waters of self-doubt.

 

“Am I on the right path? Am I walking in the right direction in life?”

 

Sometimes change arrives gradually. Other times, like what my family and I are experiencing at the moment, this shift is thrust upon us without warning through no fault of our own. When change arises, often we feel the sudden urge to create a safe landing spot in hopes that it will soften the fall.

Turning Inward

So how does one move through times of deep emotions? Do we become a victim of our emotions and circumstances? Do we give into the fear, or do we listen to the call of our heart urging us to keep going?

 

The path through is within. We go inward. We meet what rises. We sift through old beliefs, old fears, and old wounds that return to the surface when life shakes our once stable foundation. Winter solstice is but a moment of change in the Earth’s own cycle. And like the Earth, we too move through our own inner seasons. Mother Earth reminds us that darkness does not last forever. Change and trials, both in the world and within ourselves, are part of the human experience. When we turn toward the shadow with awareness, we create space for light. That light is intuition, guidance, connection, deep knowing. It is the inner wisdom that lives within all of us, our Spirit Within, which so often becomes hidden beneath the looming shadow of fear or worry.

 

We are the bringers of our light. We do not need to wait for the sun to shine brighter. We can choose to kindle our own inner light with the words we speak to both ourselves and others, the actions we take, the care we offer to our environment, and the gratitude we hold for what is still good in our lives.

Summoning Light in the Darkness

This morning as I write this was a struggle. A wave of despair and hopelessness settled over me, and I had trouble finding motivation. I still have deadlines for my business, including writing this very blog and newsletter, yet I could feel the hesitation. That primal freeze response was trying to keep me locked in a state of inaction.

 

But this is how we bring light to the darkness. We do not wait for the fear to leave. We keep moving forward despite the fear. Sometimes we want to stay in bed because sadness feels overwhelming, yet we know we have things to do. We summon our strength and choose to rise, even if only for a little while. For me, doubt surfaces, yet I choose to share my story anyway, whether through writing or video. When I feel overwhelmed and my instinct leans toward impatience, I choose kindness instead of frustration. Not always of course, but I do my best.

 

Step by step, we summon our light with strength and determination. As we take these small steps, our inner light grows, little by little. Subtle shifts over time may be imperceptible in the day-to-day, but the magic of small steps is that eventually, just as the Earth moves in tiny increments away from the darkness, we too will soon find ourselves in the vibrant awakening of spring, when the light outshines the darkness.

What little thing can you do today to bring light to your own life?

The Power of Sharing Our Stories

Sometimes we fear sharing our story because we fear judgment or criticism. We worry how others will perceive us. But I am learning that when we hold our story inside, we hold back our light.

 

Locking away our emotions also locks away possibility, hope, and freedom. They occupy space in the heart that could instead be filled with love, joy, understanding, and peace. Humans have always connected through story, stretching back to ancient times. Stories speak to something within us that goes beyond the thinking mind. By sharing our story, we give others a chance to recognize something within themselves. Their strength, their resilience, their determination. Qualities that may feel out of reach in the midst of their own challenges.

 

Sharing our heart is not only healing for us. When someone shares their story, it becomes a moment of connection between one heart and another. Perhaps something is stirred within them, an echo of familiarity and understanding as they see their own journey reflected in another’s experience. It is this connection that can help someone begin to recognize their own strength, resilience, and inner light, even in moments when they feel unable to access it.

 

This year has felt like a shedding. In Chinese astrology, it is the year of the snake. A snake sheds its skin because it has outgrown it. To grow to its fullest potential, it must release what no longer fits. Life also calls on us to shed what we have outgrown. Sometimes this shedding happens through choice, as with my decision to leave my old job that no longer felt like the right fit. Or, as in my husband’s case with his layoff, sometimes it is forced upon us.

 

This next year is the year of the horse. To me, the horse carries the energy of the fast and the furious. This can be swift change and unexpected surprises. The horse itself a majestic creature. Strong yet gentle, grounded to the earth yet unbridled in Spirit. Horse spirit energy reminds us that we have the strength to overcome obstacles and create for ourselves a life of unrestrained freedom.

 

As the darkness of the winter solstice draws near, let us begin to tap into our inner power. Let us release our inner stories, hold space for whatever emotions are calling to be expressed, and shed the burden that fear tries to place upon us. Let us face our obstacles one step at a time and choose to shine our light. And as we do, may we remember that even in the deepest winter, the light always returns.

 

And remember this truth: the depth to which you feel these heavy emotions is also the potential to which you may feel love. So, hold that in your heart in the moments when life feels overwhelming.

 

Wishing you many blessings in the New Year, and may the light within your heart guide you on your path.

 

With love and gratitude,

 

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