When the Shadow Meets the Light

, ,

Benjamin Franklin once said, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” Nothing is certain, and change is the most constant thing in our lives, because truly nothing ever stays the same. We are not the same person today as we were yesterday, nor will we be tomorrow.

The last two months have been a time of deep healing for me. Truthfully, much of my life has been spent trying my hardest to avoid change, both in my external landscape and in my internal environment.

Today I want to write about the changes I have been going through on my own healing path the last couple of months. It is a unique dynamic, this interconnectedness between internal and external change. They swim hand in hand through this journey we call life, and when there is tension between them, life becomes tricky, difficult, and strenuous. Like swimming against the current and not seeming to get anywhere.

I recall a time in my late teens at the beach while visiting a friend. The waves were large, and I was maneuvering in the water as they pounded toward the shore one after another. To swim directly into the force of the wave was a losing battle. I kept finding myself caught in the current with no solid footing, swept up and propelled toward the shore beneath the white caps of the wave’s crest. Eventually, I felt the pull of the wave, beckoning me to move in rhythm with it. I planted my feet in the sandy ground at the trough of the wave. As the wave rolled toward me, I would jump in tandem with its incline, my body gently gliding up to meet the peak, then sliding down the back slope of the wave, cradled once again in the shallow valley, feet planted in the sand once more, waiting for the next wave to arrive. We moved in unison, me and the water. No fight, no force, just natural harmony. I stayed in that rhythm for some time, until cold and time told me this was enough.

Through this experience, the ocean was teaching me about trust and flow amidst chaos. The universe has our back, holding us safely through times of transition, both in our lives and in our hearts along our healing path. I have heard this truth many times, but hearing this wisdom is different than feeling the truth of something within our bones.

In November of 2025 I left my job as an Oncology Nurse. This had been my profession for the past 18 years. You can read more details about some fears I had to overcome before taking this leap in my blog post HERE. In my mind, I had created the perfect plan with a clear easy shot forward. My husband had a secure job at John Deere where he has worked for the last almost 13 years and he would support my and our family as I build my business.

Then December 2nd arrived, and my well laid plan came crumbling to the ground. My husband had a meeting with his boss that day and they informed him that he was being laid off from his job. I also share more about this here in this blog post, I won’t rehash the details as I share this part of my story in this blog post HERE. What I want to share in this blog is not the event themselves, but the inner experience that transpired as I moved through this process and what it taught me.

 

Stop, Look & Listen

 

When a train is moving at high speed, there’s a certain momentum that builds, and it takes time to come to a complete stop. Moments of high stress or fear, such as times of change, can set our reactive nature in motion like a high-speed train.

What is our reactive nature? It is our fear response, our fight, flight, or freeze instinct. Our nervous system is triggered in some way, and we have certain habits, thoughts, and emotions that begin to surface. When past wounds and old traumas are still lingering in the shadows of our being, moments like this call them forward.

We often find ourselves stuck in this cycle of change, reactivity, and then trying to push through, avoid, or fix what is happening. We see change as the enemy that must be defeated. We fight the change, and this keeps us locked in pain and suffering.

When my husband told me about losing his job, my reactive nature kicked in full gear. I was crying, upset, thinking the worst, both about our situation and also about myself. Especially about myself. My thoughts quickly spiraled into old, familiar narratives: “I’m not good enough”, “what do I really have to offer to the world”, “who will want me”, “this job won’t be able to support me”.

In this moment, I believed all of this to be true. The world around me was certainly supporting these beliefs, of course it must be true.

One week fell into another, and then another. My whole family got sick at Christmas time, which forced me to slow down. It was exactly what I needed to bring my speeding train to a halt. Life was swooping in to support me when I was having trouble supporting myself.

I began to question those thoughts that were cycling in my mind. What if I saw this change in my life as a partner on my healing path instead of the enemy? How could I glide through change, like rolling with the waves of the ocean, instead of fighting the current when life shifts?

Change can be the guide. Our reaction is the map. And a map is only useful if we take the time to study it.

When we slow down and observe our thoughts and feelings, when we hold space for our emotions and listen for our soul’s wisdom, we begin to cut through the fear. As we soften, small cracks begin to form, allowing the deep wounds we have held in the shadows to step into the light. And from there, healing and transformation begins.

 

The Voice From The Depths

 

I can always tell when I am on the verge of a big shift on my healing path. When we answer the call to change the direction of our lives in a way that aligns with our Spirit rather than fear, as I did when I left my nursing job, our energy begins to shift. It becomes lighter, and certain things of a lower frequency just cannot come with us. They are no longer in alignment with our new energy and must fall away.

Have you ever had a moment when your back is turned and you feel like someone is watching you? You cannot see them, but you sense their gaze. You feel the presence of their energy taking up space in the room. This feeling is accompanied by a sort of pressure, as if I were trying to force a beachball beneath the surface of the water.

This is how it feels for me when something I’ve been holding beneath the surface can no longer be ignored and is ready to fall away. The truth is, I sensed its presence long before my husband lost his job. Even though I could feel it calling to me, I started the train and didn’t look back. Humans don’t like discomfort. We tend to avoid it, sometimes on purpose, more often unconsciously, as I did in these last few months. I thought that if I just got to work, followed my new job tasks day by day, things would proceed at a steady incline and all would be well.

But now, in this moment of forced slow down, I knew I had to face this wound. I set aside time and marked it on my calendar. I would shamanic journey in quiet silence, in darkness, and connect with these painful feelings as they emerged. For me, there’s something about doing this in a darkened room that helps me feel safe. It creates a sort of cocoon, a blanket, making it easier for me to open up to this process of release.

So here I was, my drum, my body, my Spirit, my pain, and the darkness, merging as one. As I settled into the steady beat of the drum, I could feel the sadness begin to stir in the pit of my stomach. There was a familiar tightness clenching the muscles in my abdomen, constricting its way up to my throat. And then the tears came, the flow of healing water streaming down my cheeks. I began to cry out, my voice cracking through the fear and the tight grip it held. It felt almost like a snap, like pulling a string with so much force that it finally breaks. The crack had appeared, and it was then that the message from my inner voice rose from the depths of my pain:

 

“My fear is that I have been left behind so many times in my life that the world has forgotten about me and I won’t be supported or taken care of”

 

This is the wound, and I felt it in every part of my body. I had to allow this part of me to fully express itself. I felt the pain of all the times I was left behind: dropped off at a stranger’s house while my mom was giving birth to my brother; countless childhood summers left with my grandparents for long stretches of time; sent alone to live with my mom’s friend to finish out seventh grade while my family moved out of state; left with my sister while my mom moved to her boyfriend’s house in a different town; arriving home from a study abroad program to find no one at the airport waiting for me; graduating from high school and finding my mom gone, leaving me alone at the post-ceremony celebration; and being dropped off at college, watching all the other students’ parents stay to settle them in while I was left alone.

 

The Light From Within The Shadows

 

I have spent so much of my life navigating the waters of life alone that I didn’t realize there was another way. I was so locked into the cycle of trying to feel safe within the world around me that I believed fighting against the current was simply how life worked. I thought tightening my grip and trying to control every possible outcome was the only way to survive. It never occurred to me that safety might not come from force, but from surrender. This recent healing moment along my path showed me that there is another way to move through life, one that requires me to follow its rhythm rather than resist it, the way I once moved with the waves at the beach.

On the other side of this healing, my body felt lighter in a way I cannot fully explain. The constant undercurrent of worry and anxiety about the future had nearly vanished. I could feel the muscles in my body soften, and my mind felt clear. I was no longer scrambling to try and fix my situation. Within the shadow of this wound lived control, confusion, and constriction. Yet within the light that was now emerging in its place, I could feel something entirely different: strength without control, clarity without needing certainty, and patience that is not attached to the outcome.

I remember one particular moment in the height of my sadness. I sat in the bottom of the shower crying, feeling hopeless and afraid of the future. It was in that moment that an image appeared in my mind’s eye, almost like a scene from a movie playing out. I saw my husband losing his job. But what startled me was not the image itself, but the sudden recognition that I had seen this before. It felt like déjà vu washing over me. Then I sensed the presence of my Spirit Guide and heard the quiet inner knowing: “You knew this moment would come. We showed you this months ago.”

This process was bringing me into sync with the changes in my outer world and the shifts within my inner world. As the outer world changes, our inner world responds. And in turn, as we change our inner world, our outer experience begins to shift to match it. As we heal and connect more deeply with our Spirit Within, our life and everything in it syncs at a higher frequency. It is the alchemical process of turning metal into gold…shadow into light, wound into wisdom, pain into purpose.

Now in retrospect, I can see clearly that this is how my path was meant to unfold. If my husband had lost his job before I left my nursing career, fear would have kept me stuck and wandering far from my path. The shift did not come from circumstances changing. It came from my relationship to them changing.

 

Tending the New Light

 

In the early days of my first shamanic training, after receiving the Munay Ki rites, we were asked to go to a candle and feed the newly shifted energy with light. I used to wonder about the purpose of this. Does it even matter? Now I understand the importance of that seemingly small step.

When we shift from shadow to light, from low frequency to high frequency through healing, it is new to our body. There are still echoes of the past remaining. Old habits built over many years do not disappear overnight. The echo lingers. This is why we must feed the new light within us, to stoke the fire we have just started. If we do not tend to it, it risks fizzling out and we may return to our old ways. We would have to restart the fire.

This phase of the healing cycle in energy work is often called the integration period. We integrate by showing ourselves love, attention, and care as we continue on our healing path. There are many ways to do this: meditation, writing, time in nature, music, art, hobbies, affirmations, resting, eating well, and so many other ways.

After this healing, I understood what my Spirit was asking of me in order to integrate this new light. I had made so much progress in making better choices and putting myself first, but what was missing was self-love at a deeper level. The love I feel for my children, I cannot say I felt that for myself. I had been leaving myself behind in this one important way. I was taking loving action and making loving choices, but I was not loving myself with my heart. I was waiting for all the outside changes I had made in my life to fill the void within me.

The very first book I read when I began my shamanic training and healing path back in 2022 was You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Her message is simple: love yourself first, and healing will follow. So simple, yet one of the most difficult things for many of us to do.

So here I am again, back at the beginning. It is funny how life works sometimes. But this time I am not just reading the words on the page. I am reading the book with my heart, and I am doing the work. For real this time. I am ready. All of the changes leading up to now have prepared the ground for me to love myself. I am lovingly brushing my hair in the evening as I tell myself how loved I am, that I am enough, that I am valued. I am taking time to express gratitude for all the good things in my life, those that are here and those that have yet to appear. I am thankful because I know in my heart that I am supported. The world has not left me behind, and neither will I. I am beginning to feel it, that spark in my chest that lights up the same way it does for my children.

I have always wondered, where do the waves go once they reach the shore? It feels like nature’s magic trick, watching them curl as they reach the shallow waters, crash onto the sand, then slowly recede until they disappear. I suppose they retreat back into themselves, back into the vast ocean, merging again as one.

Perhaps that is our own journey here on earth. Separate waves moving toward the shore, and at the end merging back into oneness, leaving only faint remnants of our time etched in the sand. But even those fade…for in this world, nothing can be said to be certain.

Know that you are loved and you are enough. Wishing you strength and courage on your healing path.

 

All my love,

 

Ways to Connect

  1. If you enjoy reading my blogs, I would love to connect more. I write a monthly newsletter where I share a personal story or reflection from my healing path. It is free to subscribe, and I would love for you to join. You can sign up HERE.
  2. You can also join me on YouTube, @wisdombycandlelight, where I share videos with insights from my healing journey. If you enjoyed this post, you may like this months video, A Message for Times of Change, which you can watch HERE.
  3. Follow me on TikTok where I share short reflections on healing and spiritual growth throughout the week.
  4. If you are seeking one-to-one support on your healing path, I’d love to walk alongside you. You can learn more about my shamanic healing sessions HERE.
/by

In the Deepest Winter, the Light Always Returns

, , ,

Winter Solstice Reflections for December 2025.

In life, none of us are immune to change. In the age of social media, life often feels filtered, leaving us with the perception that life is easy for some, yet a struggle for ourselves. I like to think that even all the enlightened masters, both past and present, also had their struggles and felt things very deeply just as we do. If you are going through change in your own life, I want you to know that you are not alone. As you read my story, know that I am with you, and we are navigating the currents of change together.

It is December, and the winter solstice is slowly closing in. We are entering the depth of winter, the time when the darkness is at its fullest. I feel this deeply this year. As some of you may know from my previous writings, I stepped away from my job as an oncology nurse last month. It was bittersweet. I left behind colleagues who had become dear friends, yet I was excited about the future and the work I feel called to pursue.

Facing Fear and Life Changes

I feel it now as this past chapter of my life drifts farther into memory. The darkness outside mirrors the darkness within, and the shadow of fear that had been resting quietly is beginning to stir. I feel its familiar heaviness, like lead weights wrapped around my ankles that try to keep me in one place.

 

“Aaah, fear my old friend. How have you been?”

 

As the nights grow longer, the words of fear grow louder in my mind. Am I good enough? Am I skilled enough? Who am I to do this kind of work? When will the universe step in to support this leap of faith? And with these questions come the emotions: fear, sadness, doubt, and insecurity. Even after years of healing, self-inquiry, and spiritual seeking, I am still faced with the challenge of meeting my shadows without getting absorbed into them.

 

Then last week, life suddenly shifted again. My husband received notice that he is being laid off after thirteen years with his company. With the financial challenges this year has brought, the company is restructuring and cutting positions, and his is one of them. It means the loss of the steady income that has been supporting us through my job transition, as well as the loss of our health insurance.

 

My first reactions were anger, frustration, fear, sadness. How could they do this? Why are they prioritizing money over people? How are we going to get through this?

 

I am not sharing this for sympathy or reassurance. I share this because I know there are many others out there who are struggling through unexpected changes in their own lives. Others who wade in the waters of self-doubt.

 

“Am I on the right path? Am I walking in the right direction in life?”

 

Sometimes change arrives gradually. Other times, like what my family and I are experiencing at the moment, this shift is thrust upon us without warning through no fault of our own. When change arises, often we feel the sudden urge to create a safe landing spot in hopes that it will soften the fall.

Turning Inward

So how does one move through times of deep emotions? Do we become a victim of our emotions and circumstances? Do we give into the fear, or do we listen to the call of our heart urging us to keep going?

 

The path through is within. We go inward. We meet what rises. We sift through old beliefs, old fears, and old wounds that return to the surface when life shakes our once stable foundation. Winter solstice is but a moment of change in the Earth’s own cycle. And like the Earth, we too move through our own inner seasons. Mother Earth reminds us that darkness does not last forever. Change and trials, both in the world and within ourselves, are part of the human experience. When we turn toward the shadow with awareness, we create space for light. That light is intuition, guidance, connection, deep knowing. It is the inner wisdom that lives within all of us, our Spirit Within, which so often becomes hidden beneath the looming shadow of fear or worry.

 

We are the bringers of our light. We do not need to wait for the sun to shine brighter. We can choose to kindle our own inner light with the words we speak to both ourselves and others, the actions we take, the care we offer to our environment, and the gratitude we hold for what is still good in our lives.

Summoning Light in the Darkness

This morning as I write this was a struggle. A wave of despair and hopelessness settled over me, and I had trouble finding motivation. I still have deadlines for my business, including writing this very blog and newsletter, yet I could feel the hesitation. That primal freeze response was trying to keep me locked in a state of inaction.

 

But this is how we bring light to the darkness. We do not wait for the fear to leave. We keep moving forward despite the fear. Sometimes we want to stay in bed because sadness feels overwhelming, yet we know we have things to do. We summon our strength and choose to rise, even if only for a little while. For me, doubt surfaces, yet I choose to share my story anyway, whether through writing or video. When I feel overwhelmed and my instinct leans toward impatience, I choose kindness instead of frustration. Not always of course, but I do my best.

 

Step by step, we summon our light with strength and determination. As we take these small steps, our inner light grows, little by little. Subtle shifts over time may be imperceptible in the day-to-day, but the magic of small steps is that eventually, just as the Earth moves in tiny increments away from the darkness, we too will soon find ourselves in the vibrant awakening of spring, when the light outshines the darkness.

What little thing can you do today to bring light to your own life?

The Power of Sharing Our Stories

Sometimes we fear sharing our story because we fear judgment or criticism. We worry how others will perceive us. But I am learning that when we hold our story inside, we hold back our light.

 

Locking away our emotions also locks away possibility, hope, and freedom. They occupy space in the heart that could instead be filled with love, joy, understanding, and peace. Humans have always connected through story, stretching back to ancient times. Stories speak to something within us that goes beyond the thinking mind. By sharing our story, we give others a chance to recognize something within themselves. Their strength, their resilience, their determination. Qualities that may feel out of reach in the midst of their own challenges.

 

Sharing our heart is not only healing for us. When someone shares their story, it becomes a moment of connection between one heart and another. Perhaps something is stirred within them, an echo of familiarity and understanding as they see their own journey reflected in another’s experience. It is this connection that can help someone begin to recognize their own strength, resilience, and inner light, even in moments when they feel unable to access it.

 

This year has felt like a shedding. In Chinese astrology, it is the year of the snake. A snake sheds its skin because it has outgrown it. To grow to its fullest potential, it must release what no longer fits. Life also calls on us to shed what we have outgrown. Sometimes this shedding happens through choice, as with my decision to leave my old job that no longer felt like the right fit. Or, as in my husband’s case with his layoff, sometimes it is forced upon us.

 

This next year is the year of the horse. To me, the horse carries the energy of the fast and the furious. This can be swift change and unexpected surprises. The horse itself a majestic creature. Strong yet gentle, grounded to the earth yet unbridled in Spirit. Horse spirit energy reminds us that we have the strength to overcome obstacles and create for ourselves a life of unrestrained freedom.

 

As the darkness of the winter solstice draws near, let us begin to tap into our inner power. Let us release our inner stories, hold space for whatever emotions are calling to be expressed, and shed the burden that fear tries to place upon us. Let us face our obstacles one step at a time and choose to shine our light. And as we do, may we remember that even in the deepest winter, the light always returns.

 

And remember this truth: the depth to which you feel these heavy emotions is also the potential to which you may feel love. So, hold that in your heart in the moments when life feels overwhelming.

 

Wishing you many blessings in the New Year, and may the light within your heart guide you on your path.

 

With love and gratitude,

 

WAYS TO STAY CONNECTED:

If you have enjoyed what you have read here, I invite you to sign up for my monthly newsletter. You may signup HERE.

If you feel called to go deeper and explore your own fears, blocks, or patterns with personalized support, I offer one-on-one shamanic healing sessions. You can learn more and book a session HERE.

/by
Change Blog Picture

How to Move Through Change

,

In both our healing path and in life, endings always carry the seeds of new beginnings.

Change Blog PictureThis month has me reflecting on change and transition. I’m moving through this myself, as I feel my first career as an oncology nurse coming to a close and step more fully into this next chapter as a Shamanic Healer, growing The Spirit Within. I’ve noticed similar shifts happening all around me with friends, family, and clients. Whether it is job changes, moves, shifting friendships, or changes in health, there’s a lot of transition. Big changes may mark the end of something familiar, but they also open the door to something new. They create space for fresh potential to emerge in our lives.

A Leap Into the Unknown

I shared this story in my newsletter this month, and I want to share it here as well.

Years ago, my husband and I made a big leap when we moved from New York to North Carolina. It was a time of emotional upheaval. My grandmother had just passed, I had just finished graduate school, and my husband was still without work after two years. We didn’t have jobs lined up, but my mom was already in North Carolina. So we packed up and went south, trusting that things would fall into place for us.

I sent out applications and waited for the calls. Would everything work out? Would I find a job I liked? I didn’t know. Leaping into the unknown and trusting that things would come together was new territory for me.

Eventually, I got a call from a hospital about two hours from my mom’s house. I was thrilled, though I honestly wasn’t sure what I had applied for. A coworker in New York had encouraged me to look at oncology jobs at this particular hospital as she had worked there before, so I did, still unsure of what to expect.

The interview went well. And as I was leaving the hospital, the nurse recruiter ran after me shouting: “Wait a minute! There’s another unit that wants to interview you. Could you come back at 2:00?”

I felt this jolt of excitement. That deep inner sense that a door was opening. It was the kind of moment that feels like a turning point, when you sense that life is about to shift. One chapter was closing, and something new was beginning to unfold.

As fate would have it, that second interview led to the job I ended up taking.

Both units offered me a position, but I knew in my heart which one was right. That role changed my life. It was challenging, but I learned so much, cared for amazing patients, and met coworkers who became dear friends.

Guidance from My Spirit Guides

Now, 14 years later, I can look back on that time with a different perspective. Back then, I felt overwhelmed with worry, anxiety, and grief. No one can really know what the future holds, but what we can choose is how we show up for ourselves in this now moment. How do we handle ourselves in transition? What choice can I make today that supports my next step?

So today I sat with my Spirit Guides to help get clarity and insight. And I wanted to share what came through with you all today.

They gave me the image of a game of tug of war. People pulling on each end of the rope, creating tension until one side finally gives way. If any of you have ever played this in your school days, you know it doesn’t usually end gracefully!

This image represented the tension we can feel during times of change. That internal push and pull…the fear and uncertainty…the longing to know what’s ahead, mixed with the resistance to let go of what’s behind. But someone has to drop the rope, and we each have the power to decide whether we want to keep playing that game.

So how do we drop the rope? What does that look like? My Guides gave me two words: Redirect and Recognize.

Redirect

Let’s talk about redirection first. When we’re feeling stressed or anxious, especially during change, our minds often loop through the same thoughts. “Am I doing the right thing?” “What if this doesn’t work out?” These repetitive ‘I’ or ‘me’ thought tend to center around fear and doubt. Energetically, they create a heaviness within us and can block the natural flow of our intuition.

So how do we step out of that loop? There are many tools, and everyone is different, but what my Guides offered this time was creative endeavors. Painting, writing, drawing, dancing. When we’re stuck in our heads, the mental tension can create roadblocks that make it harder for intuition to come through clearly. But when we engage in creativity, we shift into a higher energy. This helps open the channel for insight to arise. Redirecting our energy in this way is like preparing the soil. It creates the right environment for intuition, guidance, and healing to take root.

Recognize

What role does recognition play within change? Once we’ve quieted the mental noise, we’re more likely to notice what’s truly going on beneath the surface. This could be a memory, a limiting belief, or a moment of clarity rising into awareness. That awareness can serve as a guiding light on our healing path.

Maybe the fear we feel is connected to a past experience. Maybe something within us is asking to be seen and healed. Fear, in this way, becomes a sacred messenger. It’s not something to ignore or push away. It’s something to sit with, honor, and embrace. I see this as an act of self-love. It’s like parenting the scared parts of ourselves, offering comfort and compassion instead of saying “There’s nothing to cry about” or “Just get over it.” When we meet fear in this way, we begin to transform and heal from within. And over time, we find that we can move through changes in our external world with more compassion, more love, and with greater ease and grace.

So how am I moving through change now compared to 14 years ago? It’s still scary. I still have fear. But it’s not paralyzing. I love myself a bit more to help myself get through it. I have better tools and skills that I have acquired through doing my own healing over the years. And this makes all the difference!

So how am I moving through change now compared to 14 years ago? It’s still scary. I still feel fear. But it’s no longer paralyzing. I love myself a little more now, enough to help myself move through it with care. I have tools and practices that I didn’t have back then, skills I’ve gained through doing my own healing over the years. And that has made all the difference.

Change may never feel easy, but it doesn’t have to feel impossible. With compassion, self-awareness, and a willingness to trust the process, we can move through transitions in a more grounded and empowered way.

May you meet your own changes with gentleness. And may you always remember that within every ending, there is the beautiful beginning of something new.

Sending you love through times of change,

More Support for Your Journey Through Change

If you’re looking for more guidance and support as you navigate your own transitions, here are some offerings to help you reconnect with your inner wisdom:

  • Free eBook: How to Connect With Your Spirit Guides
    In this book, I share what Spirit Guides are (and what they are not), how to connect with them, and the many ways we can receive their guidance.
  • Monthly Newsletter: If you enjoyed reading this blog, I invite you to stay in touch where I share a personal reflection on the 15th of every month. You can sign up HERE.
  • YouTube Video: From Seed to Tree: A Guided Shamanic Journey of Transformation & Awakening
    Nature often mirrors the path we all walk. In this guided journey, we follow the transformation of a peach tree from seed to tree, offering insight and reflection for your own growth.
  • One-to-One Healing Sessions
    Personalized support to help you clear energetic blocks, receive spiritual insight, and move through life’s changes with greater clarity and grace.

 

 

/by